There's a certain amount of vulnerability thats needed to be in a relationship, and I don't know if I can do that. I've had this wall up for so long, I've always been so guarded, but I like this guy so much. I don't like talking about my feelings and I don't like letting people in unless I absolutely have to, but I want him to know everything about me. I wanna know everthing about him. I want what everyone talks about, what losers like me dream about. I want somebody else to make me feel beautiful and wanted, and he's doing that already. But I feel like I could lose him just because I can't open up. And I dont wanna be one of those girls that just lies about everything so a guy can like them. I've been honest about everything so far, but theres times where its not that i'm lying, i'm just not saying everything. How do girls do it?
Then theres the things Paini told me about him. Im careful about rumors and hearsay, but it does make me worry. I wish I could read him easier. Like if he just wants to have fun, I wish I'd know. Then I wouldn't be wondering all day if its something else.
And that just fuels the fire. I'm scared to let him in because what if I get hurt. What if he IS just feeding me lines? What then? Whose fault would it be? Mine because I was so stupid that I fell for it all. Shit like this is why I'm such a fuckin guarded and untrusting person. For someone whos motto in life is "Life's too short to be scared of taking chances", when it comes to relationships, I can't do it.
What the hells wrong with me?